OK. It officially snowed in Georgetown before it did here. WHAT?! Don't get me wrong, I love being able to go to service without worrying about frostbite or hypothermia. But there is something off about being able to work outside in a tshirt in December. Am I right? I have decided to accept this apology from Mother Nature (for how she treated us in June with all that nasty rain)... but do hope that we get a nice pretty snow at some point.

I had all sorts of plans for this weekend, each of which fell through one after the other. Which left me at my favorite backup plan.... being a hermit. I went to bed at 6:30 yesterday. 6:30 PM. I don't even know if that's healthy. But I did it.... today is dedicated to cleaning, house and garden maintenance, and Christmas gifts. (ugh... christmas gifts! This is the time of the year I sometimes wish I wasn't vaguely Christian.)

I was saddened to learn of the changes in the Trail of Lights... I was told it has been majorly downsized this year (the first year in many I'll actually get to go!!! what's that shit about?) For the unaware, I am in Texas from December 23rd to the 28th. It will be brief, but I want to cram in lots of fun things!!! don't disappoint me!

I have decided that until the New Year, I am not doing any more crossword puzzles. this is partly because these days they just make me sad by reminding me of other things, and also because I do not have time to spend hours on end playing with them. Instead, I shall spend hours on end sewing and crafting presents, and messing with chainsaws, and trying to keep this house from devolving into a pigsty. We killed a chainsaw for good this week.... somehow it got bad/unmixed gas, and now it is broken beyond repair. It's name was Baby, so one of the members and I are going to take a picture of it and make a "Baby's Last christmas" ornament for the house tree.....

I have to do evaluations starting next week. As in, I evaluate each of my members in a one-on-one meeting. I'm not really NERVOUS, but not exactly looking forward to it either. Some people.... I just don't even know how to approach it. But I suppose I'll figure that out somehow. I also have trouble being harsh, even though I know some peope need it. Oh well.

Another first place win at trivia this week. We're gaining in the tournament. Though we really shouldn't have missed that one week... it's killing us. BUT I'm actually going to be running the show for the next two weeks (big moment!)... it's sad I can't play, but at the same time, it's $80 a night, which is a sadly significant amount of money to me these days.

Next order of business is going to have to be planning for New Year's. Some people here are having a party, but at least one person I don't want to see is going to be there... and not going to that will eliminate hanging out with all the friends I have on cape. Which leaves Boston, though I'm not sure if people I know there will be around... or maybe Providence? Somehow, I feel like I've gone from having this huge list of friends that I can barely make time for, to not really having anyone at all that I don't work with. (thus, the hermit weekend). I'm really not looking forward to spending most of a week alone in the house after Christmas... oi.

Did I mention one of the members got to walk a donkey at service yesterday? It didn't like him very much, so they didn't actually walk very far....

This weekend = cheesy local Nutcracker, farewells to leaving friends, and playing in a Christmas Singalong concert....

SO LAST NIGHT, four of us went to see Ben Bailey do standup in Boston! It was pretty glorious. Not only did he do an entire joke about killing ostriches with large stones (score!), but he also talked about lots of fun Cash Cab stories, including the origin of the red light challenge and his ridiculous cab driver characters. Basically, I discovered that Ben Bailey and I share the exact same sense of humor, and it was amazing.

Best part may have been the woman who left 15 minutes in because she brought her 14 year old daughter and she thought it was going to be a "family" show.... and who called Ben Bailey an asshole on the way out. Ha! Or the crazy lady, Kelly, who was sitting in front of us and kept shouting drunken random things and giving us high fives.

And all of this was preceded by a pilgrimage to Mike's Pastries for some overdosing on cannoli, of course. We came home pretty much right after the show since we had parked at the T and one of my friends had to leave at 5 am for work (ewwwww) but it was still nice to get off-Cape for a little bit.

Turkey Day dinner was great- a real friends-giving with about 15 current and past Amerifolks. We brought enough food for an army, and I ate enough that I felt like I might actually physically explode. The ideal Thanksgiving, right?

And I can't believe it's only SATURDAY!!! I have a day and a half left to be a total bum. Fantastic Mr. Fox, here we come!

So, I have now made 2 people cry in the last week. And I honestly can't remember I the last time I've done that.... if ever? One didn't really count since it was over something stupid and I don't think was 100% my fault. But the second.... all me. Sometimes I suspect I'm a terrible person?

Thank God for holidays.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have Massachusetts license plates!!! What? At least they have a whale on them.... but no lone star. :(

I refuse to believe Thanksgiving is here. Impossible! Next thing I know, you'll be telling me it's Christmas break, and that the Corps year is nearly half over. no, no. Not possible.

I am actually pretty excited for Thanksgiving this year. It will be a non-family thanksgiving... several friends flying/driving in, parade watching in pajamas, cooking, a big dinner at some alums' house, and several solid days of fun times, laziness, and general non-supervising with my year 10-ers. Hopefully this fun will distract me from the fact that I am meeting a friend tomorrow who thinks we are going to just hang out for a bit, when in reality I am going to ask them not to talk to me or contact me until further notice. which will be a long time from now, at least. wah wah. I feel a bit bitchy with this, but know that I am justified and that it's for the best. And I just want to get it over with and eat turkey.... but who knows. I thought yesterday's service project was going to be miserable, and it turned out to be one of the best days in awhile... so maybe this will work the same way? but with fewer chainsaws? ...... or not.

AND THEN. guess who I'm going to see in Boston? BEN BAILEY. As in, Cash Cab master extraordinaire! Oh yes, he's doing a standup show at the House of Blues on friday, and 4 of us have tickets. I have been encouraged to scream "RED LIGHT CHALLEEEEENGE!" and do my trademark fist pump before the end of the show... we'll see if I've got the guts? (sadly, I suspect I do).

Tonight I saw Twilight. It was horrifying, as expected. But I was pestered to go with the others, and at least it was bargain night so it wasn't too painful on my wallet. And we got delicious Thai food beforehand... which distracted me a bit. I have to say, I was impressed at their ability to maximize the amount of screentime devoted to shirtlessness. Touche. But truthfully, it was just so, so bad. Oh, American tweens (and older....), I will never understand some of the things you love. But I will laugh at them.

Yesterday I almost got one of our chainsaws run over by a ginormous truck. Thank GOD only the toolbox was destroyed and the saw was barely spared. I cannot imagine having to tell my supervisor about that one.... needless to say, I learned a valuable lesson about watching where people leave things at project sites.

Most importantly, first place at trivia last week.... BAM!!!! Back in the game.

So yes, that's the summary of my life these days? Same as always: chainsaws, trivia, fixing chainsaws, dealing with sometimes dramatic and troublesome friends, fixing the house, timesheets, screaming at broken chainsaws, trying to stay organized, crossword puzzles, and generally dealing with the lives of 13 twenty-somethings (and my own). I need this holiday but I really will miss all my crazy roommates.

Almost december? really? Christ....

... to add to the house saga....

Today the replacement part for the oven came. I put it in, only to discover when I went to put the broiler element back (the part that was ok before) that a part of it is broken. But I had been told it's fine to put a bake element in with no broiler, so I just left the top element out, and the bottom was working fine and dandy when I tested it, and we had an oven and it was beautiful.

Fast forward half an hour.... when our power goes out. Apparently they were using the oven and it was fine for like 10 minutes. Then it blew a fuse (which makes no sense to me...) So one of the girls went into the basement to reset it, but it didn't work so she did it 3 times... and then all of our power went out. After calls to multiple friends/family members who are of an electrical persuasion, we managed to get it back on just before calling someone in... but now we have no oven or stove at all until we can get it looked at tomorrow.

Seriously?

At least we have power, I guess.

Guys are coming tomorrow to repair the solar thermal system. Plumber has checked out other problems, and we're getting some pipes replaced and a new radiator. AND after two solid days of work, our greenhouse finally looks like a greenhouse! Plastic is on, solar fan is installed... we just have to get a little more lumber for some bracing and shelving, and some gutters, and I think were in business. Almost a year after we got the grant, and it's finally getting done... phew.

...welcome to ashleigh's home improvement blog? If nothing else, when it comes time for me to be a homeowner, I'll have seen everything. And at least I don't have to pay for any of it....

FUCK people. Fuck secrets, and fuck a world that makes people have secrets which can never end well for anyone.

I hate not having any control over something that affects me directly. And I hate when people can't have the balls to stand up for what they want out of fear for what others will think. I'm over that at this point in my life, why can't everyone else be? I'm done with handholding and playing therapist. I can't take this anymore.

In conclusion: BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT. That's all there is to it.

OH ALSO, I seem to have the flu and haven't gotten out of bed in two days, which makes my summary of injuries for the week: ankle, throat/head/whole body, heart. (oh I went there... angsty town!)

Best week ever?
 

So, part of my job is maintaining a house which has had 14 people living in it for 10 years. If you ever doubt how much fun this is, let me put it in perspective. Since noon today, I have discovered and more or less addressed:

-a clogged toilet
-a water damaged floor
-a broken oven
-a flaming burner
-a leaking radiator
-a failing boiler
-a broken doorknob
-a collapsing shelf in the tools shed
-a clogged bathroom sink
-a leaking solar powered hot water system

And we ran out of trashbags on cleaning night.


DEAR GOD.

It's funny how everything seems to happen at once, isn't it?

I haven't updated in millenia.

Summaries? Too much to summarize, really. We lost a member in the other house, turns out she had already done too many AmeriCorps programs (one of which my program didn't find out about until a month into the year), so she was ineligible and had to leave. We brought in a new member, one of the girls from last year actually. This caused loads of drama, but seems to be settling down, and is more than anything affecting the other house, not mine.

As can be seen from my list, I'm slowly becoming handier around the house by necessity. I still need a lot of help, but at least I'm getting more creative.

Service is going well. I've got all of November scheduled out for my house, and some interesting things coming up. Building this effing greenhouse is still going to be the death of me.... I managed to lose the only copy of notes left for my by the guy who worked on it last year, so now we're kind of working blindly. AND we have to move the whole thing across the street for absurd reasons.

My personal drama has been resolved (after many more twists and turns) and I am now pretty much the happiest I've been in a long while. The busiest I've been pretty much ever, but content. Thank God, because if I was still in angsty-town, dealing with this house would probably kill me. (which it still might... the members also tell me they smelled gas in the basement yesterday, and we've got some asbestos covered pipes that need to be repaired as well. yeehaw!)

Pre-halloween festivities were fun (Friday party at an alum's house), though on the actual day of, I 'celebrated' by cozy-ing in at a friend's house, watching a bad movie and then a better movie, and handing out halloween candy to trick or treaters. Sounds kind of lame, but was kind of fabulous.

Who wants to know my dumb moment of the week? SO. I didn't go to service with the members today because... yesterday, while doing nothing at all strenuous, unusual, or even interesting, I fell over and hurt my ankle. Lamest thing ever, I was literally just walking, stepped into the tiniest of holes, and BAM. It's ok, not broken and the swelling is pretty much gone, but I just couldn't stand on it all day at outdoor service, so I went in the the office (and subsequently home to deal with the decaying house).

One sad thing.... my favorite partner in crime (aka Christin, my supervisor from last year) is moving from 2 miles down the street to 2 hours away, up on the North Shore. While I am jealous of her kickass job at an Audubon Sanctuary and excited to visit, I also am about to lose my only non-americorps friend within a short drive, just as winter is approaching. Sad news bears.

At least Thanksgiving is soon, and it is going to be a grand old year 10 reunion!!! People flying and driving in from all sorts of crazy places. I can't wait.... I think this might be the most fun, least stressful thanksgiving weekend in recent/total memory!

OOOOOOOK. I'm off to write letters and then check up on whether people did their chores.... and then maybe catch up on some Office? Oh, the exciting life I lead!!!

I have to deliver some pretty awful news to my house in the morning, and I'm super nervous.

though it was much worse for lisa (the other supervisor) to deal with than me, but still.... I hate telling people sad things. Especially when I'm already mopey myself and not really in the mood for consoling.

We'll see.....

Have you ever completely and suddenly had to cut someone out of your life? I haven't before, and it's really, really hard. I refuse to let myself give in on this, but it's honestly making me miserable. UGH.

I'm just going to keep repeating, "this is for my own good. this is for my own good." And then maybe, at some point, I'll believe it.

wah wah.

I'm going to be really really good with money this year, so that I can

A) fly home during SXSW and use my days off to go concert and movie CRAZY while getting a much needed southern-weather break during the most miserable time of the Corps year
B) Wait until after the program to fly to Paraguay for an extended period (I'm looking at a month or so).

I absolutely love this plan. Now, some of you better get your shit together and save money to buy wristbands/badges/con your employers into doing so (Becky, I'm looking in your direction....) so that I don't do this alone. Deal?

Deal.

Fuck yes. I'm excited.

(Also, I am actually coming home for Christmas this year for the first time since I was 20, which is insane.... woo hoo!)

Wish I was at ACL this weekend, but alas.... hope everyone enjoyed the rain for me. :)

After a dramatic Friday evening in which I confirmed in more ways than one that I have no self control, I went off to visit Rachel for the weekend. We went out to Gillette Castle in Connecticut... this crazy old house built by the first and most frequent stage actor to portray Sherlock Holmes. It was pretty amazing, even if it was gross and rainy out. The fire alarm went off while we were inside and we got to participate in a pretty terribly managed evacuation... thankfully a false alarm, or I probably would have died in an incredibly dramatic fashion.

Afterward we went and hung out at her new place in Boston, which I quite love and am excited to be able to visit in the winter when Cape starts to get sad and cold. Came back today and spent most of the day lounging and thinking and sleeping and avoiding all the things I should be doing. Yay weekends?

Somehow my whole month of October is booked with plans already! Next weekend off to the Catskills for 3 days, then it's Cranberry fest and Oyster Fest, then a year 10 reunion weekend in providence, then halloween in salem... crazy shit.

I love that even when my personal life is something of a mess, this job continues to be amazing and the other staff are such a rock and so supportive of me in my work. Really, I don't even deserve this! Too good to me.

OK, I  learned my lesson. Avoiding COMPLETELY backfired. The space was actually kind of nice, but I got a panicked email after trying it for only two days, and now I have a little damage control to do. I don't think I've ever had a friendship this complicated before, and I've had some weird friends/friendships.... it's a little scary how simple it was for me to really make someone else upset. Who knew?

Being an adult is lame, sometimes.

Also, 2 for 1 pizza night always results in me feeling kind of gross and overstuffed. but it was so delicious.....

Every day I realize more and more how lucky I am to be where I am. How did I end up here? And how the hell will I ever leave?

I took the easy way out, and with the help of some horrendous pastel pink shorts I found in the thrift store, went as Cape Cod summer (for my stereotype).

Shindig was fun and I got to see some people I've missed, but it was also super awkward for me for multiple reasons. In addition, I broke several personal rules that I have set for myself since the end of the program.... 1. Not getting drunk around a certain person/people, 2. no tequila shots. Whoops. Number 2 was pretty ok, number one not so much. Wah wah.

I have survived my first week as Supervisor!!! I really, really like my members. They are pretty chill and sweet, and our first project went well despite a downpour. Obviously it's still too early to really know, but I think that this is going to be a good year. Me and one of the other girls got half the house hooked on Degrassi! (yessssss) I am still slightly overwhelmed with things I need to do and zero time to do them in, but it's getting better.


Today I plan on bumming. I wish this stupid rain would clear up so I could go to the beach with them!!!

OK. So. I've clearly been angsty and moping.

I am NOT happy.
I've been very hurt by someone that doesn't seem to mind.
I am lonely, and missing a lot of people.
Things are off with the few people that I do have around, and I may have lost one of my closest friends for good.

And until today, I wasn't even really excited about the arrival of my housemates. But then today I called some of them (to ask about food allergies, guess what, NONE!!!! just two vegetarians. Thank the lord no food drama this year)... and hearing their excited voices, I realized. These are REAL people. Not just applications to read. People that sound fun and interesting. People to eat ice cream with, and fly kites with, and save the environment with, and yes, deal with when they start to argue with each other. I know that I can't look at them as just new friends, because I do have to supervise them and I am determined not to cross the line that I feel like was crossed a little by my supervisor, as much as I adore her. But I think this might be exactly what I need right now. Because it's not just a distraction, it's the MOTHER of all distractions. And I know the minute they start to arrive, I'm just going to get a huge smile on my face. Thirteen new people to play with! Who could ask for more?

So maybe I'm not happy, but I'm ... what's the right adjective? hopeful? excited? refocused? positive? I don't know, but I think it's good.

OH ALSO

I am going (I think) to a stereotype party next week. I must prepare! Help me pick a stereotype.

Occasionally I suspect that my life is turning into a Degrassi episode. Jesus. Though, I guess I'm safe as long as I'm not popping out any kids or getting stabbed in a drug fight? I hope?

You guys, the Corps members come THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. I'm not ready. And I feel like I'm way too distracted, I really need to be focusing on the fact that in a little over 48 hours, I will have 13 roommates. 13 roommates who will need all sorts of help and attention and team building.

oh boy.

I'm back in the Bourne House!!! It feels really good. Though, it is definitely sad when it's empty... and the thought of new people replacing my Year 10 loves is just as sad.... but I am really excited to meet my new housemates! (they come monday.... oooooh boy).

So, I went to Canada this weekend! Christin and I had talked about going camping for a few days before we both had to start doing productive things again, and we just kind of looked at maps until we decided, at midnight the night before we left, to go to New Brunswick. It was faaaar away, but GORGEOUS (we went to a national park on the Bay of Fundy coast). Of course, it rained on our one really full day in the park, so sleeping was pretty miserable, and we only got one good campfire going in 4 days, and of course we were completely unprepared and badly packed. (of everything to forget, she didn't bring her headlamp and I left my sleeping bag. ta da!) But we survived and actually had fun, and I'm back in the country in one piece, having never told my parents I was even leaving (and not planning to, at this point), and bracing myself for a whirlwind week before the Corps arrives.

Of course, now that I am having this intensely busy week with 1000 things to do before everyone gets here (after which I will have 10,000 more), it is the PERFECT time for me to be having something of a personal crisis. Really, my life amazes me with its impeccable timing. Maybe it's a good thing and keeping busy will keep my mind off less pleasant things. How is it even possible that something that ended so quickly can hurt so much? God dammit.

I had to sell my Flaming Lips/Explosions in the Sky tickets for this past weekend (sadface). AND I can no longer to go to the free Spree show I was supposed to next week, because it's during retreat (MAJOR sadface). AAAAND I have tickets to see Kings of Leon in a few weeks, but now I'm not sure if I'm going or not.... where have all my priorities gone?

Hey guys, I have a Massachusetts drivers license!

I'm packing. Again. Have I stopped packing and unpacking in the last month?! apparently not.

I am super going to miss a few things about being here (mainly people), but not the rest.... I'm pretty damn excited about getting on that plane tomorrow. Though my mother continues to try and find excuses for me to switch my flight and stay longer... hahaha HELLLLLL NO.

Starting tomorrow, I get a whooooole week of chill time, without my parents involved!!!! oh boy! I have the life, let me tell you. Now, the life doesn't EXACTLY include a bed just yet, but me and couches have a pretty good relationship, so this should be good.

BUT DID YOU KNOW that attempting to switch to mass license/insurance/plates is a paaaain in the ass? It is. The big issue is that I don't really have any proof of residency whatsoever (that I haven't lost), even though I've been living there a year and am a County employee. Not sure how that's possible, but I think it means that if I ever need to hide from the government, it would be pretty easy? Harrrrumph. It doesn't have to be done right away, but I really wanted to take care of it before my job started so I would have the time to go to the RMV, etc... doesn't look like that's happening any time soon. boo. SCREW YOU, COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS!

off to continue the packing process. I actually have less than I thought... this might not be TOOO bad.

WHY have I put myself in a situation where rejection is imminent? As much as I try to convince myself that it isn't the case, and everything's going to be fine, I have placed myself directly in the path of a lot of pain and awkwardness. And I'm doing absolutely nothing to stop it. In fact, I'm making it worse on a daily basis. This is supposed to be my vacation and my time to relax, but all I'm doing is stressing. ugh. UGH.

GOD, maybe this town just makes me angstier than normal...?

Had a mini-reunion tonight with some HS folks I haven't seen in forever. Simultaneously was great, and also made me want to escape back to Cape ASAP.... I'm really not the biggest fan of G'town these days, if you can't tell. (though nothing to do with these particularly friends, who are amazing.)

Barton Springs was glorious!!!! I missed it so.

I am in Texas! You're excited, I know you are. And... it's raining?

Rundown of my recent life.... three days in Rochester. Met lots of Nicole's friends, hung out with my friend Jenny a little, went to super awkward trivia that made me appreciate how awesome our weekly ritual at the Beach House really is.

After shuffling around and loading all of her earthly possessions, took a relatively epic drive down to DC in Nicole's Jeep as she drove the moving van. We got there and unpacked (which we had to do via a garage and an elevator, even though her apt is 5 steps from the front door, because of SILLY SILLY RULES). Spent the rest of my time in DC painting, organizing, purchasing and assembling furniture, and generally enjoying eating on the floor and hanging out with Nicole and Christin (who came to join us on Saturday). Made a few trips into the city for some Smithsonian time (Natural History Museum and Air and Space), and hanging out/crosswording on the Mall. Went on an epic three day hunt for margaritas (did you know that in Montgomery County, liquor stores both close early AND don't sell liquor on sundays?! ugh) which we finally were able to make our last night.

Drove with Christin yesterday from DC back to Cape, via a stop at bard for time to play outside/swim at the waterfall/attempt to visit Kelly (failed on that one). Spent the night on Cape and headed out outrageously early this morning for Logan, landed in Austin around noon.

Now I'm back and looking to do fun things (but am also sick with possible bronchitis and also suffering an achy hip, which is BULLSHIT and makes me very unhappy)

I am ready for some serious relaxation.